a letter

To my dear friend,

“We cannot make bargains for blisses,

Nor catch them like fish nets;

And sometimes the thing our life misses

Helps more than the thing which it gets.”

(Nobility by Alice Cary)

            I have known your story and how it seems to end up the way you feel it is going to. I cannot tell you that I know how it feels because I really don’t know. But I understand you. You are like a brother to me. I listened to your stories, shared moments about her, talked with her about you. We laughed about your silliness and craziness about her. We watched you. We helped you and did all we can as your friends to make things work out. But now, just as the way we laughed, we will cry with you. I know you hurt. And this is all I can do.

            I didn’t want this to sound so serious nor to sound too dramatic, but oh well. What I want to tell you is that maybe you feel like you failed but you did not. You did not. It’s not about getting what you wanted; it’s about learning things you didn’t expect to bump into. Maybe, what you were supposed to get from all of these is not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but the rainbow itself – the whole journey of following the rainbow to its end.

            “We cannot make bargains for blisses.”

            When you told yourself that you like her, you started to do those crazy, foolish things people do when they are oh-so-in-love. But it’s ok. You’re normal. (haha) Remember that we cannot bargain for blisses. If it is for us, it is for us.  I remember, when I was rummaging through some old stuff at home, I saw a bookmark with a short message in it saying: “If you let go of a bird and it comes back to you, it is yours; if it doesn’t, it was never yours.”

            We just need to let things be, we just need to let people be. I know how much she means to you not just from all the things you did for her, but because I know. And knowing this, I don’t want you to hurt more than you are now.

“Nor catch them like fish nets;

Happiness is something you do not seek, it finds you. Of course, I want you to be happy. But maybe, you are working so hard for this that you seem to forget that you cannot catch them like fish nets. Let the fish come to you. I know you tried your best. But maybe you are using the wrong net. Or maybe it doesn’t want to be caught yet and it fights back no matter how hard you try to haul it.

“And sometimes the thing our life misses…helps more than the thing which it gets.”

Yes. They do. I don’t know if this is one of them. It is for you to figure out. No one can ever tell you what to do now but these are just pieces of words you need to pick up and find the meaning for yourself, from what you truly feel. You know, when you are so deep into thinking about a certain thing, or you are simply overthinking (like I always do), sometimes you end up too confused and the answers to your questions stare you in the face and you don’t realize it. Sometimes, it’s ok that things don’t make sense now because at some point they will. And the things we don’t get – maybe we don’t get them now but maybe someday; or it could be because there are better things waiting for us.

“If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”

(“IF” by Rudyard Kipling)

            This too shall pass. You will be a man. Be strong, dear friend. Choose to be happy. ^_^

*a letter i wrote for my dearest friend and brother, Gian Jeremy Suyat. ^__^