reverie

Reverie

I don’t know exactly how it felt like. It was like dream, a distant memory, a forgotten remembrance. I usually write down what I cannot say but this time, I said what I’ve been trying to compose for a long time.

I gave away a part of myself. No, it didn’t feel like that. It was actually more of, you took away something from me and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was just left perplexed.

And freeing that part of me didn’t actually liberate me but I felt like I was ensnared between what ifs and why not. It wasn’t supposed to end up this way but it did…not like what I was hoping for it would. I know you care but it feels like you don’t.

When you found me, I found you. Yet, I forgot how it felt like. I know I’ve been happy but now I doubt if I really was. Memories are as elusive as happiness.

I will now live in a different world. Away from you, I guess. This is not what I planned but all of that was my choice, after all. Change is inevitable but time will keep me company for awhile. I don’t know if I still want you…’cause sometimes, I’d run away from you, like I am doing now, but deep inside I want you to follow. Foolishness, they say.

But, I’ve said what I’ve said. I will not speak to you of it again so I hope that you listened, and that you listened well. And this time, you must not only listen but you must feel… “I know you deserve to be loved but I believe you are not worth mine.”

August 20, McDo Philcoa (while waiting for Lianne)