I used to want to spend time with you. I used to hang out with you every chance i get. Sometimes, i even make ways so we can be together. And i was happy, I guess. No, I am saying this ‘cause i was hurt. I wrote you letters before that fateful night; letters which say how much you are making me happy. But now, i cannot say that you made me happy. I want to. But i was only happy cause i was with you and not because of you. I’v realized that. And i feel bad, somehow, realizing how stupid i was trying to spend time with you, doing those things we usually do when we’re bored or got nothing else interesting on our to-do lists when all this time, i was breaking inside. Damn this drama. But, i actually miss you. I really do.
You used to want to hang out with me. You used to always drag me into this spur of the moment things. There are even times when we suddenly realize that there wasn’t a day in a week that we weren’t together. And we’d have so much fun! Yet, somehow, I know you feel that something has changed now. Well, something really did change. We both know that. You know how much i value what we have or, to be more accurate, what we had. With you, it was different, that is why it was more painful.
Now i am running away from you. But you don’t seem to be coming after me. What do I expect? I can never expect. I shouldn’t. And maybe this is what i need. I think this will help. Although i know i need to get more used to being away from you than you do to me, I still hope you care. After all, we are friends. I’m sorry if i’m being unfair, but you know how i feel. You’ve been here before, right? I need this, so please understand. I still want you. I still think about you. I still hope. Because you know, to be honest, I keep hiding away from you hoping that you’ll find me. But i don’t want this foolishness anymore. I’ll continue hiding away from you even if i know that when you find me, you’ll find me but not my heart. So, I leave you and everything else we’ve had.
Maybe we’re better off this way. Yeah, maybe. I guess.
September 8, 2011
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